Monday, April 23, 2012

NEVER SAY NEVER...

In my 48 years I’ve used the word NEVER….A LOT!  But the older I get, I realize that word has the possibility to limit my options, to leave me stranded on a path, and to be the reason for some of my biggest regrets.  Against my better judgment, I am going to share of few of those things I swore I’d NEVER do.

NEVER was I going to cook a turkey…or dinner, for that matter.  Apparently, my husband thought the same.  With the purchase of each new house (three in our married life), he has made the comment that he would not install an oven if it were not for the resale value.   And while it is true that I have been known to order the Thanksgiving turkey and present it on a beautiful platter to deceive the holiday guests, I have also learned that Tom Turkey is not as intimidating as I once thought.
My goal was to NEVER get a speeding ticket.  Now, let’s be clear, it wasn’t because I didn’t speed,  I just  planned to NEVER get caught.  I was successful for THIRTY years.  My luck eventually ran out and I was the recipient of not one, but two tickets within a two month period.  Eventually the drinking (diet coke that is) interfered with ability to feel the presence of the radar gun.  I don’t know who was the most embarrassed – me, Tanner, or the police officer - as my zipper was undone and I was prepared to run into the closest restroom.  Russ’s response when I called crying that I had been issued my first ticket ever at age 46, “CONGRATULATIONS!”
So…speaking of diet coke, let’s just get this over with.  I swore I’d NEVER give up diet coke.  But I did…for a year!  I know some of you are in complete and utter shock.  It turns out, however, that I did quit but quickly realized after a year that I am NO quitter and that I could no longer live with the guilt of sending the Sonic stock plunging into a bottomless pit.   My family will also tell you that, for whatever reason, they seem to like me better on the wagon than off.  Tanner recalls it, and I quote, “The worst year of his life!”
This seems harsh, but I was NEVER going to have a second baby (sorry Lauren and Tanner ).  While this “NEVER Moment” lasted only during my time in labor with Spencer, I recall saying it my mind over and over.  I recall, vividly, lying on the sidewalk in front of the emergency room at St. Mark’s hospital.  Somehow, I had placed myself on the exact spot that set off the sensors to the doors and they continued to open and close repeatedly.  Russ begged me to just get up and make it to the maternity ward.  I thought he was CRAZY.  I was going to have that baby right there on the sidewalk.  I wasn’t really excited about getting the baby out at this point.  I thought maybe I could just leave it in!  I looked like a beached whale, outweighing Russ by at least 30 pounds of fat and 8 plus pounds of baby.  Yes, I was NEVER doing this again.   Hours later, I quickly changed my mind when that beautiful baby boy was placed in my arms.

NEVER, NEVER, NEVER was I going to put on OR even worse, OWN a pair of skinny jeans.  Being the jean junkie that I am, I caved and tried some on.  Even if they are not the best fit, I decided I liked the name…skinny jeans.  It’s certainly better than the alternative.  What’s in a name?  EVERYTHING! Heaven help me!  I was NEVER going to turn into my mother. Seriously, what was wrong with me?  After all, who would want to be beautiful from the inside out, kinder than anyone on earth, and sweeter than candy?  I haven’t yet figured out how to be like her, what I have figured out is how much I want to be exactly like her.

The lights on the Christmas tree are the husband’s job…right?  I was NEVER going to put the lights on a tree.  One day I was visiting an elderly neighbor.  She asked me if I would help her put the lights on her tree.  That moment bonded us as friends for life.  I made her pinky swear and sign her name in blood that she would NEVER EVER reveal to Russ that I could actually put lights on a tree.  It had taken me a long time to convince my husband that the lights were his job…or that anything other than a pre-lit tree was simply unacceptable.

Even though I was filled with regret for not finishing college, I was NEVER going back.  What was the point?  As my beautiful daughter finished her college degree in December, I began to dream again of fulfilling that goal.  I am, once again, enrolled as a BYU student.  I guess I’ll dig out the backpack, notebook and pencils. Another bonus of going back to school is that I can legitimately buy new school clothes.  However, as times have changed, I think it best if I leave my “Cougar” t-shirt in the basement!

Some of you may need to sit down for this one.  I was NEVER going to have a Facebook page.  I thought it was….evil.  I laugh now because now I am a facebook addict.  Some days I think I need an intervention.  I have loved catching up with friends and family and hearing about what is going on in their lives.  I enjoy having something to say and having someone write back.   My family doesn’t always like the fact that their lives are an open “facebook”,  but I say let’s learn, live and laugh with each other. 

Finally, I was NEVER going to blog and yet, here I am.  After much coaxing (mostly from my children), I have relented.  I think they’d rather read my lectures than hear them.  I have decided to take this journey for myself and invite any of you to come along.  Life, age, and experience have taught me that I should NEVER say NEVER.  When we say NEVER,  we miss out on some of life’s greatest moments.  If you know me – really know me – you’ll understand that I do, indeed, live life out loud.  But ,for the record, I will NEVER EVER have twitter...just sayin'

5 comments:

  1. Welcome, Lisa...you will be famous before you know it!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love this!! I will NEVER have a blog but I will ALWAYS visit yours!

    ReplyDelete
  3. wow a writer is born good luck with school. I love to read what you write and listen when you talk for that matter love Suz

    ReplyDelete
  4. I will never have twitter either... Oh hell, who am I kidding?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I am totally laughing at the image of you giving birth on the sidewalk of the hospital. St. Mark's was where I had my first too! And I was never going to get on Facebook either. So glad I did because I got to connect with you and your family again!

    ReplyDelete